Roast Beef

From Achewiki

Roast Beef
Full Name	Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis
First Appearance	10 Jan 2002
Type of animal	cat
Residence	Achewood Heights (in Ray's pool house)

Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis is a neurotic, computer-savvy, somewhat unpredictable cat currently residing in the pool shed of his best friend Ray. He was first seen in the January 10, 2002 strip, though the nickname by which he is most commonly referred was not revealed until March 21 of the same year. Roast Beef is male, but at birth (on April 22 of an unspecified year) he was "not fully developed." His parents, not knowing whether he was male or female, therefore gave him his embarrasing first name. The only other major character to know this is Ray, who discovered on December 2, 2002.

Roast Beef, whose nickname is often shortened to "Beef", was originally one of the Dirtiest Dudes In Town and is currently engaged to Molly. In addition to writing a blog he is the editor of the underground magazine Man Why You Even Got to Do a Thing and occasional contributor to The Phillipe Times. He sometimes writes under the penname is "Ed E. Haskell", a reference to the trouble-making character on the 1950's American T.V. show Leave it to Beaver.

Contents 1 Friends and family 2 Milestones in Roast Beef's character development 3 Trivia 4 Story arcs featuring Roast Beef 5 External links

[edit] Friends and family

Roast Beef had a difficult life growing up. His home life was very bad; as is said several times in the comic, he "comes from Circumstances." His mother, Corliss Kazenzakis, cared for him when he was young. She either takes or used to take meth [1], and worked at 7-11. When Darryl, Roast Beef's supposed father, got out of jail, he came to see his children, but Corliss said she'd killed them with a brick, and then she shot Darryl.

Although in several strips Roast Beef talks about his mother, it seems that Corliss's mother, Gramma K, did much of the child-rearing. Gramma K is an old mean-spirited woman who seems to be an alcoholic. According to Roast Beef, Gramma K is the reason he is afraid of many things, including creeks [2]. Roast Beef lived with her and Molly until November of 2004.

After Molly moved out of Gramma K's house to get her own place, Ray gave Roast Beef Weldon, one of his 34 AIBOs, to keep him company [3]. At first, Roast Beef didn't want Weldon, but he quickly became very protective of the robotic dog. He told off Pat when Pat was rude [4], and soon after, Roast Beef stood up for himself to Gramma K and moved out of her trailer [5].

As a child, Roast Beef had many imaginary friends. Many of them, such as Thigh Bone, Small Talk, Montmartre, and Freddie Fractions, came to Philippe's wedding [6]. Two of his imaginary friends, Woman-Man and Mr. Tears, commited suicide, which reflects on Roast Beef's general state of depression.

Ray has been Roast Beef's best friend since childhood, and it seems their relationship has not changed too much over time. Roast Beef often seems to enjoy making fun of Ray's lower intelligence [7], and Ray is often insensitive to his friend's emotional state [8]. Nonetheless, they are generally quick to make up. After Ray's record, Ragtime Detention Center, became a success, Ray bought Roast Beef a 1965 Ford Galaxie, and the two of them went on a road trip. (This story arc lasts from November 25, 2002 until February 07, 2003.) Currently, Roast Beef is living in Ray's pool house.

Roast Beef is of Greek heritage (unsurprising given his surname) but, surprisingly, his family is Catholic. This is because they are also from Circumstances, as is apparent from this blog entry.

Note that there are significant Catholic minorities in Greece, particularly in the Aegean islands of Lesbos and Chios, due to their status as former Genoan colonies. It is possible Beef's family may come from one of these. It is also possible that he is simply descended from cats.

[edit] Milestones in Roast Beef's character development

• Roast Beef used to smoke cigarettes, he now does not.
• Roast Beef can now make excellent Mexican snacks and breakfasts whereas originally, he did not "like meals".
• Roast Beef still has depression, but now he is getting out and trying new things and no longer spontaneously claims to want to commit suicide [9].
• Roast Beef once suspected that he was developing a sexual "thing" for corpulant women. This fact was mentioned in two strips (once in the alt text), and has not come up since. Presumably Beef got over this kink, as Molly is by most standards not particularly corpulant.

[edit] Trivia

• Appropriately, given his first name, his phone ringtone is Johnny Cash's A Boy Named Sue [10].

[edit] Story arcs featuring Roast Beef

• Roast Beef on the Moon
• Roast Beef Gets Shot For The First Time (but survives)
• Roast Beef Gets Shot For The Second Time (and is killed)
• Ray and Roast Beef Road Trip
• Roast Beef's Second death
• Roast Beef's Makeover
• Roast Beef Gets Shot For The Third Time

[edit] External links

• Roast Beef's blog